Brains

Brains are strange.

Whenever you think you have them under control, they take an about turn and it's like they truly do have a mind of their own. It's frightening.

The smallest thing can set you off into a spiral, another ride on the same old helter-skelter, sending you round and round in circles, until you're dizzy from the spin.

Earworms, to-do lists, so many flashing images that they should come with a health warning.

Things that have happened, things that are going to happen, things that might and things that probably never will but are still a worry.

Words that have been said, those that have gone unspoken and thoughts that want to get out but should be kept under lock and key.

It all just buzzes around, overloading the system until it forces a zone-out to reboot and cool off.

Good luck making any sense out of it all, by the way. Because there often is none. Or, if there is, it's barely comprehensible to yourself, let alone to put into words for anyone else. 

And there comes the one small blessing, that you don't have to. The privacy settings of the human mind can be controlled by the human in question, providing there is no outside influence.

But that's when the pressure builds, so you find yourself searching for the relief valve.

A conscious choice made on what to share.

This is mine. Everything here.

This snapshot into my mind, captured as written words, chosen carefully.

There is, of course, the unfiltered version, for when the dam breaks, also captured as written words, but tucked away in the restricted section, not fit for public consumption.

Sometimes I feel like it might be easier to show you though, to give you the key, to open up my brain for your perusal.

Because imagine if you could see the scrambled mess, the twisted webs, each thread its own train of thought, knotting together into an unfathomable tangle.

If you could see beyond this peep-hole into my mind, you might get an inkling of the cycle of thoughts I experience on a regular basis. You'd witness the battle that goes on inside my brain; the same battle, on repeat, often with the same catalyst. Then you'd see how it overwhelms me.

It's noisy, exhausting. But, is it worth it? That's something I'm yet to decide.

Brains are strange.